“All I want is to love and be loved.” That’s always been my bottom line. So, whenever my friends ask me about my relationship status, I say, “I’m Polyglamorous”. But what is polyamory? How does being in a polyamorous relationship work? Also, why is it not for everyone?
Polyamory means being in romantic or sexual relationships with multiple partners with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Some people call it ethical non-monogamy, but I like to call it Polyglamorous. Because I do feel glamorously loved and in love with several men in my life, we all do.
But first, let me tell you that I’m not here to convince anyone to try and become poly. Seriously, I wish everyone can be as polyglamorous as I am, but I don’t think it’s possible. Why not? Because people are complex as fuck. We do what we feel is best for us based on our basic needs wants and values, among other things. Also, we live our lives according to our patterns, and they are never the same. So, instead of being a pretend guru about a complicated subject, I will just share my story.
A Brief History
I fell in love with my primary partner, Steve, eight years ago, when we were both still young and wildly experimental. We didn’t talk about it in the beginning, but we both kinda knew where our relationship was heading. I guess we got lucky we understood each other perfectly and felt so secure. We both love hosting parties, and waking up to a room full of naked hot bodies became just a regular Sunday morning for us. It was nothing less than fabulous, but like any physical activity, it can be pretty exhausting.
Steve and I met Rob three years later. Afterwards, we felt the need to reevaluate the nature of our relationship and what we need to develop in our shared life. Although it was Steve’s idea to pursue Rob, I was the one who made the first move. We all just clicked instantly and made minimal effort to explain what we all want to achieve. Now, all three of us are navigating this pandemic under one roof and planning to move to a bigger place.
Things that Helped Us Navigate Through Our Relationship
It’s never easy to care for someone. What more three someone, myself included, with completely different and complex personalities? It takes time, effort, and a lot of patience, but it’s all worth the love circulating between us and more. Here’s how we make it work:
1.) Communication is key.
2.) We all use condoms whenever we engage in sexual activities with other people outside of our relationship and we get tested regularly.
3.) Absolute honesty is the perfect recipe.
4.) We share everything…EVERYTHING.
5.) RESPECT each other especially our differences.
6.) If there’s a misunderstanding or disagreement, take a step back, and hit the extra logical spice button until we reach a solution that we all can agree on.
7.) Nobody gets left out. We invite everyone in every activity, and if one of us doesn’t want to do it, we get the full understanding that the rest of us can proceed without him.
8.) We celebrate each other’s individuality. We never felt the need to hide our truest selves around each other, and we all accept each other as we are.
9.) All three of us are proud of our polyglamorous status. Hiding things and lying to people can be such a heavy burden. I’m not telling you to broadcast it, but not denying it when someone asks will help normalize it.
10.) We call each others bullshit. There is no easy way to do it, but we are not perfect beings. Who else will we most likely to trust to correct us but each other.
Nothing is set in stone, and we can call something off once it becomes too unreasonable for certain situations, but having rules and boundaries incredibly helped us through a lot of sticky situations. No matter what your status might be, single, in a monogamous relationship, or polyglamorous, it’s always easier to navigate relationships with an open mind and a willingness to understand.
Daryl King is our newest contributor to the social and political section here at Filter No Filter. He proudly presents his undeniably glamorous and open life as the fruit of hard work advocating loudly for the LGBTQ+ community.